21 Weeks Today!!!!

21 weeks down, 19 more weeks to go. I had my 20 week appointment yesterday. It went ok. I love my doctor he has been my doctor my last 3 pregnancy. This time around though I'm really bothered by the experience. The only problem is how fast my appointments go. He is probably in the room 2 minutes tops. Long enough to hear the heartbeat and measure my belly and he is out the door. So if I have any questions I have to get them in, in that 2 minute timeframe. So back to my appointment still measuring big and Tori's heartbeat was around 150 bpm. I'm still trying to figure out why my due date is still pushed back by 3 days. The baby is measuring right on target for LMP. My hips and legs are killing me. I'm experiencing the pain that I would if I was 30+ weeks pregnant. I feel Tori kick maybe once a day and that bothers me. I should be feeling it more than that. I'm having a hard time with losing Tori's twin. I don't know why it bothers me so much. All I can think about is: I should have found out the sex of 2 babies not just one. I should have named two babies not just one, I should be feeling 2 babies kicking instead of just one. I know that I'm blessed with a healthy baby and I should be happy with that, but it hurts me to know that there are the "what might have beens". Then I feel crazy for grieving a baby that I only carried for a short while. I'm sick of being a bag of mixed emotions. I just wish that I was still carrying two babies. Since I'm trying to focus on Tori I want to share this: